"Alone" is a word that my tears fall. It is a word that I cannot bear my life by my self anymore.I have tried to be strong but I am not a strong human. I cannot hold this anymore. Oh My Lord. Please do not make me feel lonely anymore. I need someone to make my life better. I require someone who will accompany me wherever I go. I really want to get someone who will accept me as who I am right now. I am weary and worried about my self in the future; what if God created me to be always alone; what if there is no someone in my life; what if I am like this till the end of my breath.
[Taken from Google]
Lord, could I ask You something? I am absolutely jealous of people who love each other; hold their hands tightly. It is so romantic. I want to be like them as well but why I feel it is impossible. I try to be a kind person that I can be but most of people gaze like a strange person. I know that I am not handsome. I am not a popular person and I do not have much money but I also have heart -- you know -- I do not want to be treated by people like I am nothing. I am like a dust that is worthless.
This lonesome kills me slowly. There is no hope inside my heart. My expectation to get my happiness disappear slowly. Maybe I will die soon. I imagine that if I die someday; is there somebody who will miss my existence? Is there someone who regrets because he or she has ignored me when I am alive? I do not know.
This kind of globe is too wide for me to be alone. I want to share my world with someone. My heart stops breathing right now remembering that I have risked my life for someone. I contended that someone will realize my love but I was wrong. If only I was born again in this world, I would choose to become a moon which lights the night. I do not want to be human. It hurts me.
Lord, I surrender my matters to You. Do not leave me alone -- Crying -- I am absolutely stressful with all things that occur in my life. None likes me sincerely. People get closer to me because there is an intention behind this. I do not vilify them but it is the truth. They utilize me without thinking my feelings which are always broken-hearted. They are egoistic. They seem that they do not want to see my feelings. The only thing they think is how to accomplish their intention.
If the Right one comes into my life, I will be really thankful. I will make the Right always smile and I want to wipe the tears on the Right's face. I will not leave the Right alone because I know the feeling of being lonely.
There is nothing to say right now. I am disappointed with this hard life. I complain all things that seem unfair for me. --- I HATE THIS LIFE ---
Yogyakarta, May 8, 2018
Irfan Suryana
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