This morning the sky is really cloudy. The sun is hidden by the black sky. So scary, huh! This condition reflects my heart's condition which is truly broken-hearted (If you want to know). There is no second chance in this love story. I was left without a logical reason. I was betrayed by the one who I loved. I was crying all nights. I was alone. I almost died.
[Taken from Google]
I still do not understand what people feel inside regarding love because why they are easy to play this sacred feeling. They easily hurt their relationship in order to get new experience with new persons. I am looking for the reasons behind this situation. If anyone knows this, please contact me (LOL, just kidding). I am wondering why the others are happy in love, why do I always fail in love?
None really stares at me completely. They just see me through one side, not all sides of me. I know fully that I am not perfect. I have many flaws but please do not underestimate my body or my performance because this is me. I am almost protesting to God why He created me as this because none really takes care of me.
I do not have many friends because I am also not smart at getting new relationship, I am not intelligent at making friend. However, I am not a social plastic person who pretends to be another person in order to be accepted by people. No, I AM NOT LIKE THAT. If they know who I am. I am really respectful and will respect to the people more than they do if they have recognized me, of course.
I have experience when I really cared to someone. "Someone" guessed my attitude as a pleonastic attitude, even "someone" went away from me. That "someone" seemed ashamed if "someone" was getting closer with me. I AM SAYING NOW "What's wrong with you?" I tried to get closer with you but you just slammed the door for me. IT HURT, you know. --- I am a little angry right now ---
Hmmmm, perhaps life is created to be like this. Some people do not understand the others or they do not want to understand the others. I do not know the correct one. What I know is I am still me and I have to be my self even though the world forces me to be another person. I will reject it if it happens.
I will forgive people who hurt me, who step on my dignity, who reject my existence. Because I know that all things will come back to us. I mean... You know ya... It is all about karma; if we do the right things, those will come back to us sooner or later; if we do the bad ones, those will come back to us again. Therefore, I run my life just like my heart says.
I am thankful for this precious life anyway. There are many beautiful things that this world provides and shows. It is sooooo perfect that makes my heart feel amazed.
I let go for anything that makes my life go down. I let incredible things happen. I wish I would be myself whatever the world shows.
Yogyakarta, May 6, 2018
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